Five famous carpenters

Everyone knows a joiner or carpenter, theres always one wherever you go.  Theres been carpenters about since the beginning of time bashing in nails, using the kitchen table as a work bench and then having their wife shout at them and say "look at this mess with all this sawdust"  Below are just 5 famous carpenters who ventured into other things, I bet whatever they did though, they would always go into any building and the first thing they would notice would be the joinery work, theres a 99% chance that they would also say something to themselves along the lines of "fuck, what cowboy done that, look at the state of that mitre, he should have scribed that, closest thing that guy is to a joiner is that he slept with one" 



Ole Kirk Christiansen

Not a big deal or anything, he just invented some toys called lego!!  He was a carpenter, lost his job so he started making wooden toys.  He had a bit of a tough time of it, not long after he lost his job his wife died leaving him to bring up 4 boys (nightmare) The kids loved his toys so he put them into production.  Next thing the poor guys factory goes on fire.  Probably scunnered with whole fucking shebang, saying to himself "what the shits happening here man" he started to make miniature houses and furniture.  Anyway he started building with plastic and the rest is history.



Saint Joseph

The old patron saint of carpenters.  I read up on him on wikipedia and I feel a bit sorry for him, he's listed as 'step father' to JC, I don't know if that's fair, he did all that walking with his wife, following a star.  He was probably thinking to himself "wait a minute here Mary doll, I've got Solomon's new kitchen to fit and I don't want these Egyptian contractors moving in on my patch, we'll go next month"  Anyway good old Saint Joseph just got on with it.  Supposedly he had a knack for stair building and turned up to build the 'miraculous stair of Santa Fe' in the Lorretto chapel.  A quick version of the story goes: The Lorretto chapel was built and there was no way to get from the ground floor to the choir loft, the nuns prayed and this guy turned up on his donkey with his tools (no materials) He sent the nuns away for a coffee and when they came back they had a stair. No one can explain the stair, except an architect I know who says its bullshit because you can see the point of load.  The architect brings everyone down from dreamland with their straight lines!


Ronnie Biggs

Was he a robber then a carpenter or a carpenter then a robber?  You don't know the full story, maybe he was laid off from his job and needed to pay the bills so thought he'd have a go at robbing a train.  It was 1963 and they got over £2.6 million, doesn't sound like the crime justified the crime but they say that today it'd be worth £48million. Maybe he should have stayed pounding in nails, but if he did we would have never had the film 'Buster' and everyone knows that Phil Collins is a bad mother fucker!


Jesus Christ

AKA JC, AKA Almighty, AKA J - Hova (actually I think thats what Jay Z calls himself) I'm sure everyones heard about him.  Wether he is real or just a story or going to come back and decide who goes to hell is something other people can argue about, we're here to get on with it and enjoy our time here, sin or don't sin, you're the boss.  I don't actually know if Jesus was a legitimate joiner, theres a lot of pictures with him and a load of sheep following him.  His step/real dad was the real deal so I'm sure when he was younger he had him in the workshop sweeping up.  Going on experience and allowing kids in your workshop doesn't stop at sweeping up, the ask you every 2 minutes "d'you need this bit" then they make bows, spears and come to think of it, anything that can hurt or even kill animals and humans.  I can imagine the toddler Jesus was much the same until he grew up and went about doing things like turning water into wine and feeding a lot of people.  Josephs struggle was real, I can sympathise.  Jesus no doubt picked up a bit of carpentry, in Mel Gibson's film 'Passion of the Christ' you see him making a table so thats good enough for me.  Who am I to question JC?  Mel Gibson raked it in for that film.  Personally I preferred Lethal Weapon, I grew up on them, the friendship Murtaugh and Riggs have is one of a kind. 


Harrison Ford

Yip, Han fuckin' Solo was a joiner, I've heard a few stories and they all go something like - he was working on George Lucas' place and while fixing a door he got talking to him and said that he was an actor but doing the carpentry for the time being.  Big George Lucas said "nice, you any being in my next move, you would fit in great as commander of the millennium falcon, the character comes across as kind of a smuggler, scoundrel, hero and a great leader of the rebel alliance, hows' that sound" and Harrison Ford says "sure, an bother"  One thing that is funny, anyone who works in construction will notice, is when you watch a film and the character has to play a part of a carpenter.  He holds the hammer wrong and you can tell he never does any sort of woodwork.  An example would be Ben Stiller' character in 'Greenberg' I like the movie but he was supposed to be a carpenter burn out, then he picked up a hammer - puulease!  Anyway I saw Harrison Ford in a film called 'Witness' He was taken in by an Amish family, it came time to raise the barn, theres Harrison up the beams swinging the hammer like a bad ass, you can tell that he knows whats going down in funky town.  I enjoyed carpentry, and it was very good to me for 12 years ~ Harrison Ford

So there we go, some famous people who came from the trades.  If you do your research theres loads of people who started out as a carpenter.  A lot of politicians, if you know any joiners and carpenters you will understand why they go into politics, they know everything and know how to fix anything, if they don't know how to fix it then its someone else fault and its not worth fixing so just start again.  Its a great trade to be involved in, like my mum says "Neil, its a great skill to have, I mean, when christmas is coming up and you need some more money you can just go and find some homers" 

Always listen to your mum, stay out of politics, work on science fiction movie makers houses, don't rob trains and be nice to each other.